Peter Molyneux, the Music Man

Molyneux gave no impression that Milo was simply a tech demo when he unveiled it in 2009.  He presented Milo as a real ongoing project, with teams of developers and designers workign feverishly to create the future of video games and AI.  Here is what he was saying one year ago:

“The key thing there is that it seems real. I’m not pretending we’ve cracked the hardest problem of AI; I’m not saying this is the start of Cyberdyne Systems from Terminator.”


“The interesting thing is this uncanny valley and how we’re breaking through it. People who experience Milo really go away believing they can talk to him.”

Even last week, during E3 2010, Molyneux and Microsoft insisted that Milo was real, that it would appear soon, that there was no reason to question its absence from the show floor.  All of which was a lie.  The man's reputation now lies in ruins, destroyed.  I can't come away from the Milo debacle with any other thought.  Monorail...Monorail...Monorail...

Microsoft Admits "Milo & Kate" Demo is a Fraud

A fraud.  This comes as no surprise to anyone.  What's surprising to me is the sheer scale of this fraud.  Microsoft and Lionhead Studios presented "Milo and Kate" not as a mere tech demo, not as an imagining of a future technology, but an actual work-in-progress to demonstrate the abilities of Project Natal.  This was Natal's main presentation at the 2009 E3.  Today's public mea culpa is very, very big news.

So much of the current hardcore gamer backlash against Kinect comes down to Microsoft's shocking disinformation and dishonesty.  They have presented the public with nothing but illusions and lies.  I've never seen anything like this in the videogame business.  Even Sony's pre-release hype of Playstation 2 a decade ago was tame compared to this.  Exactly what is going on?

The more I think about the Kinect saga, the more firmly I believe the target of this disinformation campaign is not the gaming public, but Microsoft's investors.  I think the company's footing is far more precarious than anyone realizes.  Billions have been sunk into the Xbox under the assumption that the convergence of computer technology would happen in the living room.  But this was an assumption made in the mid-1990s; as it happened, the point of convergence was not the television, but the cell phone.

In other words, Microsoft is fighting the last war.  The future of tech lies in mobile technology; the desktop computer is fading, and will not be joined with the television.  The future lies with cell phones, netbooks, and tablets.  And that is the war Microsoft is fighting, not console videogames.  The Xbox is a trojan horse in a war that has moved to a different battlefield.

So why is Microsoft even playing this game?  Why are they in the videogame business, anyway?  This is the question on the minds of the company's investors - and they want out.  They want the consumer division to be scuttled entirely, and that means exiting the console videogame business.  This is what Kinect (and the "360 Slim") is fighting for.  At least, this is what I've concluded thus far.  I think Microsoft's days in this sphere are numbered.

Just Dance 2 - E3 Gameplay Videos

Straight from last week's E3, here are some gameplay videos of Just Dance 2 to get you excited and off the couch.  The song list appears to be as diverse as ever, which is great, and the streamlined graphics are better than ever.  Does it also seem that the dance moves are more involved than before?  I don't think we're going to be seeing the same arm motions used over and over.

Have you also noticed the background graphics?  Everything is brilliantly and stylishly animated.  Even the dancers appear more detailed and colorful, all while retaining their iconic look.  Kudos to Ubisoft for keeping the "iPod Commercial" look, instead of cartoon polygon models.  The filmed actors have a subtle degree of realism - and spontaneity - that rival dancing games cannot match.  Not that I mean to bash the competition.  I'm eager to see dancing video games become the Next Big Thing.

Just Dance 2 is going to be a sensational hit.  I'm buying copies for every Nintendo Wii owner I know.  Heck, I may just buy a couple Wii consoles for the family this Christmas, just for this game.

Just Dance 2 - The Newest Trailer (Featuring James Brown!)

Ubisoft's newest trailer for Just Dance 2, which looks absolutely smashing.  The original game has now sold over 3.3 million copies, and it continues to be a steady seller every week.  And the fact that this was achieved in a near-total media blackout speaks volumes.  The true video game revolution of this decade - the rise of the female gamer - has yet to be acknowledged or reckoned with by the fanboys who write the gaming sites and magazines.  That's a story that needs to be told.

This video just puts a big smile on my face.  The more I see, the more I like, and the more confidence I have in the design team.  I think they're listening to the fans and have some surprises in store.  Duat mode, eight players, refined graphics, more goofy costumes and funky moves...Every person I know in Bogota will be telling me to bring this game.  Video games are twice as expensive in Colombia as in America, you see.  That means yours truly will be playing Santa Claus this Christmas, with a bag stuffed with a dozen (or more) copies of Just Dance 2.

Pay attention, gamers.  Just Dance 2 is going to be one of the year's biggest games.  Nintendo was very wise to secure this title as a Wii exclusive, guaranteeing the nascent dance genre will be firmly in their camp.

More Donkey Kong Country 4 Goodness

My favorite game from this year's E3, and destined to become the latest in a long line of Nintendo blockbusters - it's Donkey Kong Country 4.  And did somebody say, "mine carts?"  This game just gets better and better.

This video, from GameXplain.com, also shows off two-player action, with Donkey and Diddy Kong running around together.  I see that Kirby's Epic Yarn also features two players.  The Super Mario Bros 5 influence is very obvious, and this is a very welcome trend.  I can't wait to see what more surprises Retro has in store.  They're doing a magnificent job bringing Donkey Kong to the 21st Century.

Please, Nintendo, please let Retro create a 2D Metroid.

Kinect Finds New Ways to Fail

Now you can't even put your hands behind your backs. Hah hah hah hah hah.... This is the comedy gift that keeps on giving. Kinect's problems just never end. Is there any scenario where this stupid hunk of junk even works?

A videogame blogger from Sweeden (!!) shares his impressions from E3. Here's the untranslated website. And here's the Google Translation of the article:

What I really liked about Kinect? Well, that software is surprisingly good. And hardware is unexpectedly poor. Games Kinect Adventures, type five different mini-games. Rafting was, as expected, very funny. Can really see it compete with Wii Sports. Obstacle course, I was also pretty fun with.

But. The hardware, as I said. Microsoft promised that the delay (in reality between the motion and the motion on the screen) from last year were were virtually eliminated. I do not even feel any difference. There is still a significant gap. And although Kinect to be so damn advanced so it works in principle as an EyeToy - if you try on more advanced movements, like holding hands behind their backs, the avatar may snatch. Hugely embarrassing, looks terribly buggy out.

22:31: hit by lots of strange things. When would jump over and duck under the barrier so I got it not work at all. Avatar weird shit did half hope, and floated up into the air, when I tried to duck, for example. Many of my pallets hope it does not replicate at all, but still stood motionless, but the barrier in the face.

This steady trickle of bad news and revelations will prove devastating for Microsoft. Internet memes spread at a lightning pace; here we are, only days after E3, and look at what has happened. November is shaping up to be a nightmare. This machine is dead in the water, and I say good riddance to bad rubbish.

Kinect Only Supports Two Players at a Time

Are you kidding me?!  This is the comedy that keeps on giving.  Am I the only one who's wondering what comes next?  If someone told me the Kinect catches fire and shoots lasers at your pets, I'd believe it.

And have you noticed how silent the gaming press has been?  They were bought off with free Xbox 360s.  The game industry owns the prozines, they always have, and here's the latest proof.

E3 - Flingsmash on Nintendo Wii

Remember this simple rule, kids: Every video game needs a hook.  There must be something - a visual style, a gameplay idea, a novel element - that grabs your attention and your interest.  You look with a smile on your face and say, "I want to try that game out."  This is the hook, and it's the most important ingredient in any successful game.

A strong hook doesn't always translate into great games, so you are never guaranteed anything.  But I can promise you that all the mediocre, awful, formulaic games don't have hooks.  "Shooting things with a gun" is no longer a hook, not in the year 2010.  Flinging a cartoon character through 2D platform mazes like a pinball?  Now that's better.

Flingsmash definitely has the hook.  Here is an arcade game that makes me reach for some quarters; indeed, games like this make the strong argument for the return of video arcades.  The game involves smashing the main character through obstacles, mystery blocks, platforms, and various enemies, much like a tennis racket.  The title is so perfect, instructions really aren't necessary.  You fling the yellow-ball hero, and smash him into things.

This game reminds me so much of classic games like Breakout and Arkanoid, but also Kurururinpa on the Gameboy Advance, one of those quirky games that never left Japan.  There once was a time when Japanese videogames were synonymous with the quirky and the surreal.  These were the sort of games we'd read about in the pages of Diehard Gamefan, knowing they would never be released in America.  We just got an endless supply of mindless shooters.

I'm also reminded a lot of Sonic the Hedgehog on the Genesis, and that may betray the hand of Naoto Oshima, who's most famous for Sonic 1 and Sonic CD.  His company, Artoon, is responsible for Flingsmash, and it promises to be the most notable title in their recent history.  Oshima-san hasn't had a hit in so many years, and in this retro-minded mood of 2010, his time may have come.

This is a surprising game and could definitely become a sleeper hit on the Wii.  It was originally scheduled for an August release, but has been pushed back to the holiday season.  Let's hope it won't be quickly forgotten among the other blockbusters.  Artoon promises Motion+ support and two-player simultaneous action.  Keep your eyes peeled for this one.

Just Dance and the Michael Jackson Dance Game

I think if there is any one video game from E3 that has the potential for blockbuster status, it's the Michael Jackson dance game. Ubisoft is developing the title, with the blessings of the Jackson estate, thanks to their success with Just Dance.

I can't think of a stronger example of Sean Malstrom's theories of disruption and the Expanded Audience than Just Dance. It was instantly reviled by the hardcore gaming press, and subjected to some of the harshest reviews, when not ignored completely. The published magazines still won't touch it; they don't want the terrible stench of "casual" gamers to invade their precious space.

Despite this rejection, Just Dance found its audience the old fashioned way, by word of mouth. It was simple, easy to grasp, like anyone could try it. Dancing in public is always an intimidating prospect, and this game managed to break the ice admirably. It was fun, especially in groups. There are combos and high scores, but this is not about dominance and power, but cooperation and social play.

Arcade games competed fiercely against one another for gamers' scarce quarters, so they needed something to stand out from the pack. What's needed is a strong hook, and very often this requires a new idea. Space Invaders, Pac-Man, Donkey Kong, Super Mario Bros - each of these classics were very different from their peers, they offered compelling gameplay, they were easy to understand (these were iconic games), they rewarded creativity, they were social games played with your friends.

I believe those are the essential qualities of a truly great video game. Those qualities have largely been abandoned in the Playstation/Xbox era, so perhaps it seems strange that all these "non gamers" would invade the nerds' turf to play Wii Sports and Wii Fit and Just Dance. But this was precisely what video games were like 30 years ago.

Anyway, I hope I'm not rambling, because we're touching on a number of different topics. The bottom line is that Just Dance perfectly captures the values of the Expanded Audience and is one of the Wii's greatest titles. I'd even say it's the best game in the entire library, after Wii Sports and Wii Sports Resort and Super Mario Bros 5. And I believe the millions of Just Dance fans would happily agree with me. The people themselves have turned this game into a spectacular hit, bypassing the hardcore gamers and their media gatekeepers in the process.

If you're a believer in Malstrom's theories, then you should be cheering Ubisoft. Just Dance has ushered in a new wave of dancing games, and you want them to succeed. And now comes the chance to take this emerging Expanded genre and create a blockbuster - Michael Jackson. Every one of us who spent an evening with Just Dance has said the same thing: "You have got to make a Michael Jackson dance game. Make it exactly like this!"

Here is a license to print money. If done correctly....that is, if Ubisoft understands why Just Dance became a hit, and if they ignore the tantrums of the hardcore set, and if they present a game that is accessible to all, regardless of age or skill....the Michael Jackson game will become a global sensation.

Above all else, what Ubisoft must recognize is that the Dance Game is, by definition, an Expanded Audience genre. If they look at Microsoft and Sony, and see that they are now getting into motion controls, and then decide to make a "hardcore gamers" game...they will fail. If they remember the values of classic arcade games, the values of Just Dance, they will succeed beyond their dreams. They shall rise to heaven, or sink into hell. No pressure at all.

Microsoft's Albatross

The more I read about Microsoft's Kinect, the worse it sounds.  The buzz on NeoGAF is absolutely toxic, and the meme is now out - the damned thing doesn't work when you're seated.  This isn't a software issue, and it isn't a bug that can be easily fixed.  This is a fundamental failure of the camera technology itself.  And Microsoft has known about this problem for years.

Developers have been told not to create games that involve sitting, and this is a key piece of information.  Many voices within the development community have been quietly complaining, to bloggers, and to magazines such as Edge.  And this is already raising more questions about the software lineup.  At first, we had assumed Kinect was being overloaded with Wii Sports and Wii Fit clones because Microsoft wanted to copy Nintendo's success with "casual gamers."  But now?  Perhaps the reason there was no Halo Kinect is because it's simply not possible.

The Forza racing demo is rather telling.  Despite the pedigree name of an established Xbox racing brand, this new title removes nearly all control from the player.  Acceleration is automatic.  Braking is automatic.  Shifting gears is automatic.  All you can do is steer, your hands invisibly poised at 10 and 2 o'clock.  Why is this done?  Are these control options - standard in all racing games since the 1970s - simply not possible?  Can the Kinect not even do this much?

And just what is supposed to happen when your legs are tired and you want to sit down?  What's going to happen when the casual family discovers their brand-new $400 Kinect falls apart the second you hit the couch?  This stupid box can't even read your hand movements when you want to use DVD controls.  Even for this, you have to stand.

What exactly is the point to this machine?  What's the game plan, Microsoft?  The company spent untold millions of dollars, and years of research, and for what?  To play Wii Sports four years after Wii Sports?  Is there nothing else?  What if the Kinect can't do anything else? 

These are the basic, fundamental questions that Microsoft needed to address at E3.  They did not.  Instead, they tried to conceal a potentially catastrophic design flaw with no explanation how this was possible, or how it will be fixed.  Instead, we've been given evasions and spin.  But Christmas is coming and the goose is getting fat.  People are going to discover one way or another.

The more I think about Kinetic, the angrier I get.  Families are being asked to pay a premium on a product that simply doesn't work.  Instead, they will get an enormously expensive camera that can play exactly three kinds of games the very same games that Nintendo has mastered on the Wii years ago.  A $200 Wii, packed with Wii Sports Resort, versus a $400 Microsoft Kinetic?  Is this some kind of a sick joke?

The final question for Microsoft will be the most foreboding: Exactly what will be the fallout if this machine fails?  How will the company investors respond to a massive failure?  Analysts are projecting three million Kinetics will be shipped to retailers this year.  That is a deluded fantasy.  Kinect is going to crash and the consequences will be severe.

I think we now must consider the possibility of Microsoft exiting the video game market.  Investors are unhappy, the company consumer division has hemmoraged billions, and they want out.  Will Kinect be the straw that breaks the camel's back?  I think that's a question we need to honestly discuss.

Donkey Kong Country 4 - The First Level

I can't tell you how thrilled I am about Donkey Kong Country 4.  This is going to be Nintendo's next smash hit.  This video from the floor at E3 shows the first level, and reveals many new gameplay elements.  I'm glad to see that the Super NES Donkey Kong won't simply be repeated.  In fact, this new game looks much better, much deeper.  There's more of a Mario influence in discovering secrets, and there are some terrific surprises such as a pirate ship and a whale.

With this season's lineup, Nintendo is in a strong position to bring the hardcore gamers back into the fold.  NBA Jam, GoldenEye, Kirby, Epic Mickey, and Donkey Kong Country - the Wii has matured into the true successor to the Super Nintendo.   Speaking of which, this brings up an interesting idea....

Retro Studios has enormous street cred for their Metroid Prime Trilogy, and they have experience in 2D game design with Metroid Prime Pinball on the Nintendo DS.  Many classic gamers like me are hoping and praying that Retro will be given the green light to create a new 2D Super Metroid.  For the old school crowd, Sakamoto's Metroid: Other M is nothing less than an abomination.  The buzz from the show has been tepid at best; hostile at worst.  It's not going to be a hit.

If and when Other M fails at retail, Retro is perfectly positioned to benefit.  They have the experience with the series, and they have Donkey Kong Country on their belt.  So please, Nintendo, give Retro the Metroid series and return it to its proper place - glorious 2D.

E3 - The Konami Conference

Konami's E3 press conference is the most stunning, bizarre, surrealist spectacles you'll ever see.  It seems perfectly fitting for this year's show, like some drunken party on the deck of the Titanic.  It has become an instant legend on the NeoGAF forums, with over 10,000 posts and 200 pages.

You can watch the entire show here.  A description from NeoGAF:

Imagine if Konami, the multi-million dollar company from Japan who have produced some of the gaming industry's most beloved franchises, held a conference that feels like a really bad high school play. Then, add in error messages, trailers that didn't start playing, an incredible fail of a website, crazy hilarious Japanese people, EXTREEMEEEE REAL DANCING, several entirely too-big-for-your-body suits, accidental swearing, a weigh-in of three wrestlers who started bitch-slapping each other, a speaker showing championship belt upside-down, a high school choir doing a complete version of Queen's Somebody to Love including ass-grabbing, a sudden ABC news broadcast, Oprah, constant sound problems, a live decapitation, star-censored loli boobs, creepy serial killer guys, several speakers who were bored out of their fucking minds, an audience that was simply too shocked to applaud, and what appears to be the effect of multiple top-secret Konami-sponsored drugs.

All of this looped through the entire day and night. Current theory is that Konami tried to shut it down, but weren't able to contain the awesomeness that was the infinite Konami Circus time-loop.

The Microsoft Kinect Doesn't Work - "Sitting is Something We're Still Calibrating For"

The bombshell revelation of the 2010 E3 expo: Microsoft's Kinect cannot work when the player is seated.  Its cameras can only detect a person who is standing.  This news has been confirmed by multiple press sources, as well as inside accounts from software developers, who have been privately instructed by Microsoft to only make "standing" games.

This screenshot comes from Kinect's E3 presentation, the only where Microsoft greeted attendees with a free Xbox 360 (a shameless bit of bribery for the gaming press).  But you won't be able to play games this way.  You won't be able to sit down at all.

IGN first broke the story last night, but the news was quickly disappeared and replaced with a friendlier, and strangely non-committal, piece of PR.  The same story was later revealed by Endgadget, who confirmed that none of the E3 Kinect demos will work when seated.  And it also confirmed in a lengthy article on Kotaku:

One developer with whom I spoke and who is familiar with how Microsoft is briefing studios making games for Kinect said the company has specifically advised developers to not make games that would involve the player's sitting down.


None of the games shown for Kinect at a showcase early in the week were set up for sitting. Kinectimals, a cute take on Nintendogs-style games, but with tiger cubs, was presented as a player-stand-here demo. That's logical, because the game involves walking up to the animal and then jumping or running or doing some other action you want the animal to replicate. The game's lead creator, Frontier Design's David Braben shrugged when I asked him if the game could be played sitting down. He guessed some of it might work, but it didn't sound like he'd tried, possibly because it was irrelevant to his game design.

You might have expected a seated Kinect experience from the Forza Motorsport team. Those folks are making Kinect driving games and tech demos. They've got a fun highway driving challenge that involves standing in front of the Kinect and steering by holding your hands in front of your body as if you were turning a real steering wheel. The perspective for this game experiment is inside the car, through the eyes of a driver. Rolling your shoulders in front of Kinect turns the game's camera view slightly, letting you look around inside the car. Your lower body is not used — no foot-forward-to-accelerate as was seen in a similar demonstration last year with racing game Burnout. Nevertheless, you have to play this one standing up if you are playing it at E3.

I asked one of the two members of Forza development studio Turn 10 if I could play their demo sitting down. They said I could not, that it was "optimized for standing."

The thought that prompted me to start asking the "sitting question" to so many Kinect-connected game developers and executives at E3 was that the Kinect's sensor can't clearly read a human skeleton if a person is seated. Some developers with whom I was theorizing about this guessed that the Kinect would become confused by the bent knees of a seated gamer — that it would need a player to always return to a resting position that has all their joints on one flat plane, which is the case when you are standing, not when you are sitting. No Kinect developer could or would get that specific with me, so I'm left to guess.

If I know how trade shows like CES and E3 work, this rumor has spread like wildfire.  It will be the topic of every private discussion among the gaming press and software developers.  And now you know why Microsoft handed out free Xbox 360s at its press conference.

Here is IGN's original report, before they scrubbed it from their website (thanks to NeoGAF):

Right now, Kinect only works when you stand. This includes menu navigation. All the cool options to grab a slider and advance through frames of a movie you are watching only work when you are on your feet. Kinect, we've been told, has problems handling your skeletal frame while sitting. The voice commands still work, but every game we've seen and even simple menu navigation have to be done with you out of your seat. That's not exactly how I want to watch my movies. If the focus for Kinect is creating games like Dance Central that naturally would require you to be off your couch, that's great. But I have to say, no one thinks "I am driving a car!" while standing up in their living room.

I am convinced that, after Nintendo's stellar performance, this is the biggest news event of E3.  Microsoft spent millions and years of development on Kinetic.  This is not some minor peripheral, but the console's major thrust against Sony and Nintendo - XBox 360 Part 2.  A spectacular failure, brought upon by shoddy and ineffective hardware, would be a devestating blow for the company.  This is huge.

E3 - NBA Jam on Nintendo Wii

It's NBA Jam, bigger and badder than ever, and exclusively on Nintendo Wii this fall.  This is easily one of the best video games of the year.  But you already knew that, didn't you?

Microsoft's Kinect Malfunctions When Players Are Seated, Only Works When Standing

Oh, good grief.  I can't imagine this actually being true.  Then again....these are the brains behind Windows.  And developers have been privately complaining about this issue for months.

Kinect is going to be a disaster.  I'm already getting visions of New Coke.