Sunday, March 06, 2011

The Biggest Dud This Side of Scott Walker

Actually, no, that's not fair.  Scott Walker was always a weasel and his reckless behavior as governor of Wisconsin should be a surprise to no one.  Groove on Fight on Sega Saturn, however, is a genuine disappointment.  I had such high hopes that I had discovered yet another quality fighting game on the Saturn.  The console is, without question, God's Gift to Brawlers, so the standards are exceptionally high.  Mediocre or middle-of-the-road simply won't cut it.

Take a look at Capcom's spectacular arcade games that use the 4mb cart.  It's worth going to all the trouble of hacking a Sega Saturn and buying a Pro Action Replay just for the thrill of playing X-Men vs Street Fighter, Vampire Savior, Street Fighter Zero 3, and Marvel Super Heroes vs Street Fighter.  Heck, you don't need any other games beyond those four and you'll be happy for the rest of your days.  Well, kids, I know Capcom and Capcom is a friend of mine.  Atlus is no Capcom.

Groove on Fight could just as well be a Super NES game, with its tiny characters and virtually-nonexistent animation.  I have no idea why this game requires a 1mb RAM cart; either the programmers were incredibly sloppy with their coding, or the publishers believed the allure of the added memory would attract more fans.  Either way, it was never needed, as there's barely anything on the screen anyway.  Don't let screenshots fool you!  Still photos look very nice, yes - but once you see fights play out in real time on your Saturn, that sinking feeling will hit within seconds.  Yuck.

I'm trying to remember Atlus' Power Instinct series, and it barely registers in my mind.  I don't think it was ever any good, and I doubt many old school gamers would remember, either.  These guys were just one of many cheap, retro-grade copycats struggling to cash in on the Street Fighter 2 craze of the early '90s. Yuck!  My head hurts just thinking about it...I hope Time Killers is never resurrected.

If I were you, I wouldn't waste my time on Groove on Fight.  For heaven's sake, please don't buy the disc!  Get the amazing Capcom 4meg fighters!  Get Asuka 120%, or Sonic Council, or Astra Superstars if you want your 2D fighting game fix.  Once you have all those classics spinning away on your Saturn, you won't have time for anything else.

If you want a review score...I dunno, how 'bout a 3 out of 10?  Does that sound good?

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