Once again, our tribute to the life and times of Sean Pettibone continues with this terrific rant, which originally appeared in Ben Leatherman's zine, Fanarchy. Ben was an odd duck; I once heard that he appeared at E3 in a bear costume. Again, my thanks to Jess Ragan for his On-File database.
Sy Sperlng and His Damnable Wave of Lies
by Sean Pettibone
Appeared in Fanarchy
Sy Sperling, that "not only the president but also a snazzy dresser" spokesman for the Hair Club For Men is also a lying motherfucker.
Okay, here's my case. On every commercial they show a picture of a guy without hair, presumably some time earlier, and then later, in the SAME outfit- with hair. MY problem? These commercials have been running for years, and every time they show Sy (or one of his soldiers of the balding army) without and then with hair, they're shown in an IDENTICAL suit, but not the ones they wore in the last commercial.
Are we to believe that every time the Hair Club produces a commercial, they fly their clients in, dress them in new outfits, shave their heads and take a picture; then wait a few months for the plugs to set in, dress them up in the same friggin' outfit, and take a NEW picture?! Or do they just do like a hundred photo shoots in 1985 and disperse them throughout the years? Bullshit, Sy! Besides, the poses in the before and after frames are IDENTICAL, with no perceivable change. I won't mention the fact that even the wrinkles in the clothing show no differentiation between the two pictures. It's obvious that either some tricky computer graphic manipulation is behind this, or the aliens.
Sy, how can you expect us to believe that you can put hair on a bald man when you can't even put an honest commercial on TV? Yeah!