It's suddenly cold across sections of the Northern Hemisphere...hmm. How strange. Who could have guessed that there would be snow in January? Clearly, this means global warming is a hoax, because Ben Stein said so. Shaq, unfortunately, could not be reached for comment.
Oh, and by the way, December 2009 wasn't even close to setting records for cold temps. In fact, this past decade was the hottest on record. The 1990s was the previous hottest decade, and the 2010s are expected to become the new hottest.
I don't quite know if it's the entire human species that has become suicidal, or just the old white men in charge. Either way, your grandchildren will come to despise you for ignoring the climate catastrophe.